Reflecting on shenanigans

john | Aug. 13, 2020, 11:57 p.m.

Also known as life.  It's kind of odd actually, I'm sitting here enjoying a nice scenery.  Nothing particular comes to mind, there was initially an idea that sparked me to turn on the laptop, but by the time I got to the blog I realized that I had forgotten.

I also realized the newsletter doesn't work, not that I'm in a rush for anyone to read this, so maybe I'll fix it one of these days.  Tried to do a walking handstand the other day, and as I'm attempting to do it, a little girl comes up to me and says "You're not doing it right"

She was right, I was not able to walk with my hands.

Although I must say she did give me some pointers on how to do a walking handstand, not that I've been able to do one yet.  I like jazz, not sure why.  Sometimes it's a bit too much though, and other times it's not enough, but who cares anyways, it's jazz.

I read some of my old writings, it's rather daunting in some effects, seeing my thought's change throughout the years.  In a sense there are parts that I read and they ooze of my youth.  Then others just remind me of the pain I was suffering during those times trying to find a way to express it.  Then of course there is the parts that are just terribly written and I sort of wish I could burn, although you can't burn digital ramblings.

Guess in the end didn't matter anyways.  Life went on.  It's kind of funny that in a court of law in a far away land a thing I created was found to apparently be less real time as something else.  Which in it's self makes no sense, but then, in part due to the fact that I had responded to a Reddit comment four years ago, where some one asked a question that said a specific word, and since I responded, it meant that it must be what I'm doing.  The irony.

Is that even irony? I don't actually know, nor do I care, it's funny.  I keep going back and forth on wanting to make another thing and not.  It's exhausting in some regards.  I'm not even sure the thrill of it does it for me anymore.  What's even more troublesome is sometimes there are problems that take years to fix.  Those are the worse.  No matter how much you progress in a day or a week, it's not noticeable. 

You feel there is a faster way, there probably is, you're just too idiotic to see it.  But that only applies if you have a problem.  The problems I use to have no longer bother me or are not problems anymore.  Now I'm amused most days by the simplicity of life.  Granted I also just fixed a problem that took a year to fix, so maybe I'm relaxing in the solution. 

Enjoying the hot chocolate, the smooth beats in the background, and the horrific piece of writing I'm about to publish.