Sinnerman

john | Oct. 29, 2022, 6:08 p.m.

What a song.  The first time I heard it, I was madly in love.  I didn't even know it, but I felt it.  I still listen to the song.  Even the Sofi Tukker remix, as if the remix some how is better, but it isn't.  Nothing beats the original.

I feel bad about how I ended that relationship, was childish in my ending of it.  Despite the emotions I felt, I should have been more stoic in my ending of it.  No one deserves a childish rant for being human.  As a man one should leave the childish things in middle school.  Despite that, I must not have been a man then.

I doubt this will ever be read by the one whom I wanted it to be read by.  That is the beauty and the tragedy of life.  Some decisions haunt you. Others overwhelm you.  Either way, decisions where made.  It reminds me of being called smart.  Intelligence, although perhaps I may have some, I feel mostly dumb.

There are times I have been able to accomplish incredible things, there are even times I have found a way to not die.  Yet none of that takes away from the stupidity that I have found ways to accomplish.

Regardless, the beauty of it all is that in the ebbs and flow of life. I feel that by writing this the pain, regret, or even presumptions are gone.  Not because life works in mysterious ways, but because it is life and it finds a way.