Life is nonsensical

john | Oct. 10, 2020, 8:08 p.m.

Although I guess it's because my mood is somber right now.  I've been struggling to understand myself.  That infinite pursuit.  I feel, even if it's in the most infinitesimal level, how my words carry weight.  It's why I speak nonsense.  Not because I am qualified in anything but failing at being myself, but because anything written that gets read, has an impact.

Absurd I know, but it's only a theory.  That of chaos to be specific.  That's just mathematics though, and not even a law, simply a theory.  But what's the difference between a law and a theory.

I mean, there's the second law of thermodynamics.  But that's been broken.  So if a law can be broken, well then a theory must hold even less weight.  Less is still enough.

Goodenough, that guy discovered the next big battery leap.  With a name like that, makes you wonder what's in a name.  It's given to you at birth, and it dictates the life you will live, to a degree.  Some change theirs, and because of that, it impacts how someone can grow to run a country.  A written word can mean so much, with and without a context.

That's it isn't it, that struggle, to figure out why you do the things you do.  Why some things come and remind you, and other things never are thought of again.  The brain decides what to remember, isn't that neat.  Sometimes you know you are going to remember something.  Other times you try and force it, and then there are just those things that are so shocking to your core that you never forget. 

Then something happens, either you see a flower, or maybe you smell something.  Some random external force, triggers that memory.  Good, bad, neutral, or whatever.  Obviously each memory is remembered different.  We are chemical after all.

That's what makes some things so intoxicating.  Every feeling is ranked, the chase.  You know this.  Then things start to fall in place, one by one, of course till something comes in and just throws a wrench into that plan.  Because, why not?