June 24th, 2022

john | June 25, 2022, 6:53 a.m.

Undecipherable as usual, the feeling.  It just feels like the game will continue, for ever?

I don't know.  It honestly use to phase me.  I guess at this point I feel it, but its not like before.  Now it just feels like... I honestly have no idea.

It isn't a good feeling, that I know.  But it isn't the worse feeling.  It feels some sort of way.  I just want to write, to see if I can shrug it off.  I don't know if it will work.  I hope, but there is only so much one can hope.

Optimism is a dangerous thing.  It gives hope when maybe there shouldn't be.  But I don't know.  I just know I feel the weight of it.  I know the reaction that happened when I heard of it.

Maybe that's it.  There are some events that are so big that they touch the fabric reality.  They bamboozle everything around them.  Like a meteor hitting the ocean, it still blankets the planet.

Nothing good comes of it.  At least at the moment of impact.  Maybe a few years later something novel emerges.  But we aren't there yet.  We are somewhere between impact and avoidance.  Luck I guess is needed, or is it?  I am unsure.  I think everyone needs luck.  I guess the question is if everyone needs it, how does luck decided who gets it?

Not that it matters, because the motion of the event is already on a trajectory that is unstoppable.   At best, its horrible.  At worse, its incredible.  But the reality is somewhere between.  The beauty of reality.  Strips away all the fantasy.

Then again, maybe its all just smoke up in the air.  Maybe the explosion happened years ago, and all that is witnessed now is the remains of the light of the dead star.  In a sense, it is alive while dead.  Not like a zombie though, more like a supernova.