john | Oct. 19, 2020, 5:26 a.m.
Because there is no other word. In the game Magic the Gathering, this card for some reason over took me, Eureka. I've noticed throughout my life that somethings once introduced to me, stick, for what I would say is an eternity.
Not that there is anything wrong with it. In a sense they stick because the feeling is generally so pleasant, that there is a fascination with it as I enjoy or observe it. At times they are overwhelming, a song could be played on repeated till, who knows. Sometimes I still listen to songs that I use to obsess with when I was younger. Although the feeling has changed from what ever it was that I was feeling when it first overtook me.
To more of a gentle reminder of things. Could be the thing as simple just a nice feeling, or one that was suffocating my thoughts. Some are tied to such painful lessons that it just pains me to think of them.
Yet others slowly crawl into my realm of repeat. It's as if life is subtly letting you know that new things come. They are always different, but you find a way to, or better yet, it finds a way to cause you euphoria.
It is the reaction you are having to the song. Now I wouldn't say this always happens, sometimes you can reply one in your head, go with it and enjoy it. Or have to listen to it, to get it out of your head.
I then wonder why some songs affect me more than others. If there is a pattern to them too, or is it because there is a hint of another song I use to listen too. But then I start to care less, and just enjoy it.
There it is again, this desire to keep going, to keep writing. Maybe it's because the song in the background has been on repeat, or maybe it's because, I'm just happy. A treasure, a gift, a feeling that I chase. It's odd though, to be happy. I don't even know what it means. It's what I feel.
If I had to describe it, it's your cheeks hurting, your chest feeling warm, and you having the desire to express it. I guess it must be hard to come by, because it would be fitting that I would realize that I am just that, happy. On the spookiest month of the year.
But it is what I am. It's not an everyday thing. Although I guess with age it's become more of an everyday occurrence. I don't know why, but I have a feeling it's going to happen for a while. I'm sure there are going to be devastating moments, hard to live with. But I know that I can relish in this moment. Maybe like a song, it will be that subtle reminder of what was a great moment. One that I will continually chase when I know it's being depleted. Since I still don't know why or how I got here. But I did, as Frank would say, my way.