December 22nd, 2021

john | Dec. 22, 2021, 9:49 p.m.

Damn, the wickedness of life.  It's a constant.  It's just hard.  Although, it doesn't feel overwhelming anymore.   It feels, just constant.  As if it's there, and I'm slowly, years later, learning what I probably should of been acutely aware of in my youth.

Although, It's insane how much I've felt myself change over a very short amount of time.  Taking massive leaps.  Although there are still some things that haven't moved as quickly. 

I don't think anything was wrong per say, I think I was just transfixed.  On obscure one off thoughts, that I couldn't refute for some reason.

Although, now.  I'm able more than before to notice that I'm in that state.  It's taken significant setbacks to realize this though.

I think the cost was worth it.  Although I do, for once, wish that I would of figured it out maybe half a decade earlier? Before then I don't think I would of appreciated it regardless. 

On the contrary, I do feel that I lived my twenties, not perfect.  On the contrary, rather stumbled.  At times into greatness.  Although, I don't remember much of it.  I was so distracted by my inner thoughts.

In search of the distraction, I was able to gain the knowledge of other things.  Things that in the end, I guess if I live long enough, might help here and there.

I'm slowly feeling the rush, dissipate.  Wow, I think that's it.  It was the rush of everything.  As though time will fly.  Which it does.  But you can't rush feelings.  Curiosity.  I think that was a pretty significant realization.  What else I'm in the rush for? The things I need to rush for, are not related to that at all.

What's the rush?