Today is my 40th birthday

john | Dec. 5, 2025, 11:26 p.m. Uncategorized

It's been a minute since I wrote a post.  I figure what better time than when my gray beard is also my gray hair's.  When the best thing I look forward too is hanging out with my girl, friends, dog or family.  When all the things I've done don't mean shit.  It's the day I turn 40.

When I was younger I thought to myself I wasn't going to make it past 27.  All the great artists die by then, generally because of heroine, but maybe for other reasons.  I decided to never try heroine.  Seemed like a decent idea given the consequences.

I must say it seems to have been a great decision as it helped me make it past 27.  Now of course when I was 33 I feared I too might some how get crucified and nailed to a cross.  Thankfully I was not Jewish so the odds of that where slim, none the less it was still a worry.  I clearly made it past that as well, and didn't have to rise from a cave 3 days later.

Now I hit 40.  40 is a weird one.  You still think you're young, but then you look in the mirror and you see yourself all gray.  You think, what the hell have I done in this life, and you realize that it doesn't matter what you did.  You don't even remember half of it unless some one specifically points out a specific memory, simply because you just don't really care.  Was it fun? Then it was good enough.  Did I do my best? Seems like it did.  Did I not die? Still here.  Doing alright.

So 40.  What would I tell myself if I was younger? Man, this is truly difficult.  As I sit here writing this, this is probably the first time in my life where I actually am happy I made it to my birthday.  I have no fears, no regrets, no nothing.  I just made it.  That's all that was required.  I some how found a way, despite all odds.  I made it to this moment in life, where now half the populace looks at me as some sort of old man, and the other half looks at me as some sort of young man.

So I still don't feel necessarily qualified to tell anyone any advice, even my younger self.  I guess the best thing I could suggest is never stop believing you will actually figure out any problem you have.  Despite how hard it is, if you just believe you will, you actually might.

The rest, is pretty much up for interpretation, even probably the damn problem.  I can't actually remember any problems I had when I was younger that stressed the hell out of me that actually mattered now.  And if they did clearly I found a way to solve them to make me not think of them ever again.  Survivorship bias I suppose.

I did see a meme once that said some kid in his 20's rented a yacht with a bunch of hookers and it sank.  I do think that is something that I would also advice you do as a 20 year old, because it's far harder to convince a bunch of 40 year old men to leave their wives and kids to go be on a yacht with you and a bunch of hookers, but I digress.

In terms of money, what would I say? Well, I have had the fortune of trying to make that stuff since I was about 11 when I asked my mom for some money to to the movies with my friends and she broke down and cried about not having any.  So in terms of that, I'd only suggest you figure out early how to solve that problem, I did.  It's possible, not saying you'll be able to buy yourself a Porsche, but at least eat out every once in a while, it's the way to go.  And believe me, it's never too late.  Also, offer good products too, things you use, or would use.  And it's always better to err on the side of helping the customer and making less.  Just feels cooler too anyways.

Have I been perfect in my endeavors? Hell no, but one of the things I've enjoyed most, is failing.  There is absolutely nothing better in life.  Scared to talk to the hot girl? Just wait 20 years and see if you even remember her.  What's funnier is you might actually build the courage, talk to her, even seduce her, and then never think of her again.  So what was even the point of being scared of talking to her?  Or worse, you might talk to her, and then end up in one of the funnest relationships you've ever had in your life.   But the same applies to almost anything that gives you the feeling of the unknown.  It's so much fun to be there.  But even that if you do it enough, becomes not as exciting, crazy right?

Never did I think as a younger man that I would be able to go about my day and not fear things that would consume me.  Now instead I sit, have a coffee, which I didn't even drink till my 30's, and then just stare as people walking by.  Sometimes you might be sitting there, wondering what is it life is, and you see a squirrel.  It's trying to score.  The female squirrel is just sitting there avoiding it, but it keeps trying.  Then after enough time, she finally says okay, and he scores.  You've never been so excited for something else to get laid.  And then also so appalled that it spent 30 minutes trying to score, and 1 minute enjoying the act.  There is something to be learned in that, but I wont know probably will I'm at least 50.

But like all great things, this post must come to an end.  For there may or may not be more time left on this planet for me, but all that I do know is that it's the most fun I've ever had.  I mean I know no alternative, right?  So might as well have a bit more of it, till the powers at be, if there are even such things, decided that it's finito.  If not, well as Shakespeare once said, I'll just make sure I rage into the dying of the light, cause man, when you finally figure out how to make it go good.  It's too much fun to not try and make it go great.

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