July 27th, 2024

john | July 28, 2024, 5:25 a.m. Uncategorized

Some days just want to write.  Probably generally when some where in the somber mood.  Not sure why, maybe the feeling of release.  Writing into the void, knowing that some one, maybe myself, will read it in a later time.

Writing for the future knowing the past is where the pain lies.  It's weird, as I move on in life I feel this sort of something else.  In one regard, I'm all satisfied that life in fact went how I kinda hoped, in another sense, as my friend says and I always thought, didn't dream big enough.  Or need to dream bigger.

But then there is also the fact that there is also this view of mortality that is now starting to come into grasp.  The moments I observe.  The feelings that linger, they all just sit there.  Painful, at least they aren't as much about one thing as they are another today.

The trigger is gone, its now just a comedy of errors.  Short lived, but intense.  All to intense, maybe it's me doing this.  Maybe it's me seeing this.  Maybe maybe maybe.

Three maybes don't seem to make anything.  Unlike two wrongs, which makes two wrongs.

There is a struggle with how to express the feeling.  It's sort of some where in between here and there.  It's nice to feel the movement of it.  The processing of it.  The ending of it.

Was so bloody intense too.  And then like something of that sort, it's gone.  Few hours, I wanted to write I'll make a mistake, but that's doubtful.  In fact it's probable I'll be making the correct decisions.   Seems to be the general principal now a days, go with the correct ones.  Learning it is taking a bit of time, but getting there.

It's harder than I thought, but once you take them you get rewarded.  Correct decisions seems to involve some thinking.  Others once you made them enough times, just kinda flow.

There really is this relief to all this.