July 26th, 2024

john | July 27, 2024, 6:01 a.m. Uncategorized

The pain exasperates itself.  Trying to burst out of my heart.  "Who are you? Who am I to you?" Those are the words of the lyrics of the song that strike the cord.  "That's very Gatsby of you" those are the words that hurt  "One for my heart.  Two for show" those are the words that string the pain.  Perhaps its the mourning of the relationship that I more hurt for, than the actual relationship.

They are all truly incredible in their own unique way.  It was weird having a déjà vu over almost the exact same situation.  The differences where minute enough that it was inevitable that they would end the same.  It was surprising how as life has progressed, I've started to shift what I chase.  Yet inevitably it leads me to repeat the situation.  Why?  It must be my broken record, how does one change the system when they are unaware of what they need to be aware of.

"That's life" as Frankie would say.  "You don't have to move on to let go" would be the Kaskade solution.  There all right.  I just happen to be left at the moment.  Or maybe its more centered.  Honestly, I can't seem to figure out the direction anymore.  Maybe I should just get on a big bird and just fly.  That seems like the best direction, up.

You know on April 5th, 2022, at 9:21pm in what ever time zone this blog is set too, I was happy.  It was inalienable, documented. I guess in the end that's progress.  Damn, that moment in time, contagioned my sadness with happiness.  

It yumed my yuck.  Now I scratch my head.  I guess it must be, up it is.  "Falling from the sky".  To fall in love one must let go.  I guess the implication is that when one lets go, the other will catch you.  Because what else are you falling into.   Unless you of course are falling up.  Then who cares, it can be a fun way to go, up up and away.

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