I was feeling uneasy

john | March 18, 2021, 4:43 a.m.

I sat down at the table, and I just knew something was wrong.  I had done well the previous few nights, but today was different.  Suddenly, it's as if I became aware of the situation I was in.  Not that it was anything outside of the extraordinary.

Something was off.  It would attach itself and not let go.  I sat there, and wondered what had happened, what caused this feeling.  It probably was because I had done so well each time, as if it was easy.  But the reality was a bit more sinister.  It was rooted in a memory of the past.  

Back in the day the game was just as easy, because if you lost it all, you just didn't eat for a few days.  Now, if you lose it all, everything goes to calamity.  So I sat there, and thought.  What was causing this feeling, why couldn't I shake it.

I thought I could play through it, but it started making me anxious.  This game requires patience.  It was a recipe for disaster.  I lost.

I lost again.

I thought, okay maybe I should step away.  I did.  I let time go bye, it's usually good with this, and then I returned.

I lost.

I couldn't believe it, so I tried again just in case.

I lost again.

This can't be, it's never gone this bad.  I realize that time isn't going to fix this one.  I need to fix it myself.  So I started with the memories.  I found one of an old friend.  I hit him up.

We talked, it had been a minute.  I told him I would talk for two.

I talked for two.

I texted another friend while my friend contemplated.  My other friend replied.

Both suggested the same thing.

What a coincidence.  Or, how wise of them both.

Yet it wasn't the solution, but it triggered it.  So maybe it was.  The anxiousness got answered by a memory of the past.  So well see how it goes, cause the patience is back, so the game should be easy, just like it was in the past.

Follow me on BlueSky @nader.mx