December 27th, 2024

john | Dec. 27, 2024, 5 p.m. Uncategorized

If you read this, email me.  I kid, you wont.  The law of reality makes it so the chaos has taken affect.  There is nothing to do but wait for it to do the inevitable.  The universe is compelling it.  It's nice to write this.  There was a moment I would of done anything, now I wont do anything.  The reality of the situation is you never cared.

Why would you, it's simple really.  I saw your value instantly.  It's what fucked me up badly.  How could I not fall.  Falling, the word.  Without control. 

Guess you thought I was just some worthless hunk of meat.  My mistake.  Should of shown I was a worthless hunk of meat for you to think I was not that.  But that's not me, never has been, never will be.  Since what I showed you wasn't enough.  It was in fact nothing.

Hell, you didn't even remember my birthday, had to tell you again.  Yet yours is burned into my brain.  It's okay, at one point I'll forget it.  No need to waste energy trying to relive a train wreck caused by me.

You didn't like my muscles.  Which is odd cause no other girl said that.  So I guess either you where lying, or you really didn't.  I like em, it's why I have em.  As a guy it feels nice to have muscle.  So who cares if you like it, I'll have it till the day I can't.  Not like I'm the rock or anything, more like brad bit from fight club.  Minus the face.  Got the body at least.

I read some where that the metabolism slows down at sixty.  So maybe by then I wont have em.  Maybe I wont think of you then either.  Seems reasonable, I heard time heals most wounds.  Except death, death of love.  Yeah that's reasonable. 

I buried it when you left me.  Figured, like this fanny pack, wont ever see the light of day again.  Why did I even buy that stupidity.  You didn't deserve it.  Shit for some reason I just wanted to see you're smile when I gave you a gift I spent a while pondering to give you.

Instead, it sits there.  Locked away in a closet, for ever.

Was trying to think if I should give it to some one, but figured it's probably best as a reminder of what a failure I was during the courtship.  Oh well, there will be others.  Took thirty eight years to find some one like you.

Maybe it will take less to find some one not like you.

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